Writing is obviously one way I cope with things. The funny thing is I hate writing. Well that is when I have to write for a reason. Essays in high school and college - put those off until the very last minute. Writing up my research so that it can get published - a multi-year process.
But writing on this blog. So easy sometimes. I don't share as much as I would want for obvious reasons. But I do give some insight into what is going on. Not just for me and my release but for others that go through similar things.
Being a single parent can be so incredibly isolating. I know there are some of you who read this are also going through similar events. I scoured the web for other blogs or sites to read as a way of feeling not so alone in the process. And I hope those that land here for similar reasons can feel a sense of connection or some sense that you are not alone.
And I'm not alone. My family has reached out beyond what I could have asked for. Friends from around the country are checking in on me and giving me words of encouragement (have to say that is one thing FB has been good for!)
But there are still times as a single mom that I feel.so.alone. The day that I got a nasty cold and felt awful. I had the kids and it was a weekend, and yes I could have called for help. But I didn't. I couldn't move off the couch. And the kids did ok. They had far more screen time than they should have. But in that moment I realized how alone I was. There was no one else to say "go take a nap, I got this for a few hours". No one to get me a glass of water. No one to go to the store to get milk for the Tank when we ran out. No one to grab more blankets for me when I was still shivering with 3 blankets, a robe, and fleece PJs on.
But life goes on. I got better. The kids did fine. Tank only cried a bit for more milk and then decided that water was ok. The Munchkin made me a fort to rest in. She "doctored" me. The kids are so resilient. They have changed because of this. They are compassionate, caring, and so tender at times.
So here is the best story from Christmas that reflects how tender the Munchkin has become.
Christmas eve we hung the stockings on the mantle. In the morning she woke up and saw presents in 2 of the 3 stockings. She was very sad that there was nothing in mine. She kept saying Santa missed mine because it was on the side instead of the front. I said that it was ok. That Santa really just comes for the kids. She said that wasn't true because last year I got chocolate in my stocking and that I have always had presents in my stocking. And of course she was right. But I told her it was ok, that I had her and the Tank and that was enough.
Well 20 minutes later while eating breakfast she brings it up again. Then she gets a bit reserved. She said she wished she could fit in my stocking. That she and Tank could both fit in it so that they could be my presents. Then she got this glimmer in her eye. She said next year I should leave a crack in both of their bedroom doors. That way Santa could sneak into their rooms, pick them up while they were sleeping, and carry them out of bed and put them in my stocking. Then they would sleep all night in my stocking so that when I woke up and came downstairs Christmas morning I would see that the Munchkin and Tank were my presents.
And that is how my sweet little girl made my day.