Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The dreams, the reality, and the life.


Where did I just come up with such a title?  So you remember how I wrote about the life of a doctor way back here?  Well I am finally interviewing for a job.  You know - my very first real job.  Ever.  So maybe my life isn't quite so on hold anymore.  And it is exciting and scary.  But I know that something good will happen.
But at the same time, I have dreams.  And dreams that have nothing to do with medicine.  I have lived such a dichotomous life.   The artful, designer side and the studious, medical side.  There are times where I wished the former had won out over the latter.  Don't get me wrong, neonatology is great and I love being with families and helping them through some of the hardest moments.  But darn Pinterest - it pulls at my little heartstrings.  I see a picture of something so beautifully created, like these amazing tables from this amazing person over here.  


And I just get a bit of knife feeling in the gut.  I just start thinking of all the things I could be creating - especially like the table lady does with all recovered materials.
How do I merge those dreams with the reality that I am a physician?  There is not enough time to create these pieces just as a hobby.  If I tried- it would probably take me months.  I am not patient enough for those results (that is why I am in intensive care after all).
So the husband and I have agreed that we can leave medicine once the loans are paid off.  Not saying that I will leave medicine sooner than retirement.  But I might.  And he might.  And maybe we will become this well known couple that designs and creates amazing furniture.
And it is times that I am thinking like this that I wish my dad was still on this earth.  He was an architect.   He had visions and was able to create.  And when he died, he was just finishing one of his greatest projects.  The irony is that he died of a heart attack.  
John Nasseff Heart Hospital
It has been nearly 12 years since he passed away.  I was in college at the time and too young and naive to have conversations about what his dreams really were.  But I hope he was living them.  
And maybe someday I will get to merge my reality, life, and dreams all into one.

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